April 1, 2012 •
“Gale-Gate” Splashes Cold Water on the Land of Oz
The Ethics and Petitioning Commission of OZ has opened an investigation into the activities of Ms. Dorothy Gale following a complaint by Citizens for an Ethical Oz (CEO), which alleges Ms. Gale not only failed to register with the commission prior to petitioning the Wizard of Oz, but committed acts of bribery, violated Oz’s gifts laws, used public money and property for personal gain, and failed to report agreements made to petition on behalf of others.
Its complaint alleges Ms. Gale and the Wizard entered a quid pro quo contract trading use of the state-owned hot air balloon for the Wicked Witch of the West’s broomstick. This same contract also provided Ms. Gales’ companions—who had contracted with her to petition the Wizard on their behalf—with intellect, courage, and a heart. Additionally, Ms. Gale and her companions received the use of state funds illegally when they received full make overs by city employees. CEO contends it does not matter Ms. Gale was unable to utilize the hot air balloon, but merely the formation of the contract alone is in violation of petitioning statutes.
CEO leader Ambrose Smythe points out that when Ms. Gale made her agreement with the Wizard, she was under investigation in Munchkinland for destruction of private property, manslaughter, impersonation of a magical being, and grand theft of ruby slippers. Additionally, when Ms. Gale fled the Land of Oz, she was under further investigation for theft and murder by authorities in the West lands.
“I would like to believe Ms. Gale was merely a young girl who didn’t know any better,” Smythe said, “but this can’t even be called a good April Fools story.”
Photo of the ruby slippers by RadioFan on Wikipedia.
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